Speaking the Truth in Valium? Eph. 3:15

Immediate Context

Beginning in verse 11, Paul refers to 5 leader gifts (5 kinds of gifted men who are given to the church to start, teach, and care for Christ's people). The combined task of these leaders is to perform the kind of preparation that would equip God's people for ministry that would in turn lead to the building-up and spiritual increase of the church, i.e. its increasing maturity in Christ.

The Theme

Maturity in unity is clearly the theme of Eph. 4:11-16. Vs. 11-12 tell what key people God will use to accomplish this them. Vs. 13 gives us the standard by which to measure such maturity
Evidences

After "setting the bar" for us, the apostle Paul gives us three evidences of this kind of maturity: 1) stability amidst the gusts of contrary doctrine (vs. 14); 2) properly aimed truth (vs. 15); 3) many chefs making a good stew (vs. 16).

Verse 15

The Bible speaks of "speaking the truth in love" (Eph. 4:15) as a sign of spiritual maturity. This involves two things: 1) speaking the truth; 2) with love as its goal and regulating ethic.
"Speaking the truth" means more than just not telling a lie, intentionally or unintentionally. It mainly refers to sound doctrine and practice - an evidence that the mind has been saturated with the word of God and is acting and speaking under its influence.

"In love" is more frequently misunderstood. "love" here is not the same thing as "a loving manner," especially as conceived of by our culture - kind, soft, without intensity, etc. This would make Paul's phrase the equivalent of "speaking the truth in valium."

Love is a goal in the Bible (I Tim. 1:5)! The biblical ethic of love not only illuminates how we say and do things, but what we do and say, as well as why we do and say them. (by "why" I am referring to purpose, not motive!) For what we say to qualify as the spoken truth in love, it first needs to be consistent with how biblical love is described and operates in the Bible.

Was Jesus unloving when he drove out the money changers? Most of us would see the anger that erupted that day as an exhibition of righteous indignation resulting from long held convictions. Truthful words and truthful actions are not always polite and nice.

What about when Jesus verbally dressed down the Pharisees, scribes, and lawyers? Since Jesus never sinned in his life, this verbal barrage would have to be in keeping with the goal of love.
What about those times when the patience of Jesus seemed to give way to frustration and disappointment with the unbelief and slowness to believe around him? Or in reference to his disciples lack of faith? Can love make you frustrated, disappointed, or impatient? Evidently it can!

In John 18:23, when Jesus was slapped across the face for speaking insolently to the high priest, he made the truthfulness of what he said, rather than its manner, the test that needed to judge his behavior.

Will "love" affect "manner?" Certainly! But many "manners" - anger, frustration, impatience, sarcasm, etc. - manners we often judge to be inconsistent with love (and many times they truly are) - are actually not only consistent with love at times, but are required by it!